Bachelor #33

As a seasoned online dater, I pride myself on the ability to vet the REALLY horrible ones long before it ever gets to the face-to-face meeting. Although none of the men I've met so far have been the one for me -- and some haven't even been close -- most of them have been basically decent human beings. Unattractive, dull, cheap? Certainly, but still essentially decent people. I've never feared for my life. Never thought I was out with a serious slimeball. Never had the desire to throw a drink at anyone, run screaming from the restaurant, or felt an urgent need to wash my hands immediately after shaking his.

Then I met bachelor #33. We went out for lunch. In a restaurant. Which is, for the record, a public place. During the day. Bachelor #33 has some kind of middle management job or other, which is what he told me about in his emails, but over lunch, he told me about the business he's starting on the side: a sex toy web site. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I'm no prude and although it's not exactly the dream job I'd imagined for my prospective partner, and I'm not quite sure how I'd explain it to my mother, I can appreciate that it's a business like any other. Maybe even a successful one.

But then he took a vibrator out of his pocket, turned it on and offered it to me across the table. In a restaurant. Seriously. It was vibrating. Which makes a noise. Which other people heard. And saw.

I think the fact somehow I managed NOT to throw my drink at him or make any more of a scene is beyond commendable. I am thinking about nominating myself for sainthood. Can you do that? I am going to have to look into it.

Next.