Bachelor #53

Can we talk about personal grooming habits for a moment? As a woman, and a single woman at that, I put what some might call a disproportionate amount of time, money and effort into personal grooming. I don’t walk around with crack whore toenails. I maintain a uniform hair colour. I contribute generously to the bottom line of many cosmetic and skin care companies. And last but far from least, I am fastidious about hair removal.

Say what you want, but I remain convinced that men have it quite a bit easier. A little gray showing through? No problem, you look distinguished. The vast majority of non- homo- or metro-sexual men have never experienced a manicure or pedicure. Forgot to shave? Scruffy is sexy. Sure, there are men who torture themselves with back waxes and those who feel the need to manscape (which I personally think is overly vain, not very masculine and generally a little suspect, but that’s a whole other issue…). But at the end of the day, all most women really ask for (in this department) is a man who showers regularly, smells nice, and, call me crazy and demanding, but it would also be nice if he could manage to keep his nose hairs from protruding nearly to his lips.

Yes folks, Bachelor #53, who I met online a few months ago but recently reconnected with by email, showed up for our date looking like a walrus. I’m not talking about one or two stray hairs here. I’m talking about a thick, extensive protrusion from each nostril. Honestly, I could barely even look at him.

Now here’s the thing: you’re on a date. You’re not meeting your buddies for drinks (although I’m sure they too would be appalled and far less polite about it than I was.) You’re not running errands or meeting your mother. You’re on a DATE! Did you not look in the mirror before you left the house? Do you need glasses? Are you so convinced that women will like you for your charm that you don’t see the need to bother with mundane details like personal hygiene?

In case you’re wondering if I’m being quick to judge (What, me judge?) and if he was otherwise a decent prospect, since protruding nose hair is a curable ailment, let’s just say I wasn’t exactly overwhelmed with his sparkling personality either. I suppose if I had actually liked him I could have suggested we go to Walmart on our next date and subtly direct him to the personal appliance department. But with a straight face? Not a chance.

Next.